Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Stupid Limmericky poems


Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep
& doesn't know where to find them.
Go to the butchers, they're hanging up there
With their tails hanging behind them.

Jack's girlfriend Jill
was on the pill
Or so she told her boyfriend.
She was insecure-
& suddenly bled no more,
'I'll be secure 9 months after'.


The old Christmas drunk had arrived,
'I'm not tipsy' he said
then with a smile, he shot cheap wine
& fell on his nose instead.


There was an old lady from Sid
who placed a cake onto her head
She said with a cry,
'Now I'll never die'
Until the candles burnt her
& she did.

Humpty & Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty & Dumpty had a big brawl
All the kings horses & all the kings men
Couldn't get Humpty & Dumpty together again.

Jack Sprat, his wife was fat
She couldn't eat no lean
After dinner, she ate Jack up
& licked his bones clean.


What is a pimple?
Its the den of a monster
Squish it-Squash it
& its guts protrude under.


Three horny men
Three horny men
See how they run
See how they run
They all ran after the farmers wife
Who chopped of their dicks with a carving knife
They didn't have a libido for the rest of their lives
Those three horny men.


Rub a dub-dub
Three men in a tub
How do you think they got there?
Well I don't know-but its rude to stare.


There was a young lady-who lived feeling blue
cuz she had so many shoes, she din't know what to do-
She kissed them with love & said with a tear
'If only I had ten feet, I'd be much happier'.


Georgie Porgie, pudding pie
kissed a girl & made her cry
When her girlfriends came out to play,
He never since seen the light of day.


You are nothing but a hound dog,
Sniffing bitches all the time.


Smile, an everlasting smile,
Your sile will bring death near to me.


Xavier Salomó said...

It's nice and funny! Bravo!

Sudipta Chatterjee said...

Awesome poems! And why do men always have to get castrated in your works? :(

shaky mouse said...

very very funny.. these deserve to be in a book.. great work

Rrramone said...

I was a bit disturbed by the castration of the 3 horny men, but enjoyed your poems nevertheless. ;-) You must check out my latest post, so you can see how crazy I really am.

Here's a poem for you:

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds and whey.
Along came a spider who sat down beside her
Although I've never actually seen a spider sit.

Miss Muffet was nude, which the spider thought rude,
And told her so (though I've never heard a spider speak).
She told him to bug off, which was quite clever, since he was a bug, and he left with hardly a squeak.

Then 3 horny, dickless men wandered by, and she smiled, though secretly she thought "what's the use?"

The end?

Alberto García said...

Grrrreat :-)

Maldito Columpio said...

This are so great!
The poems are yours?
Your style in the poems illustrations reminds me to Quentin Blake. He was my favourite when I was little, specially in the Roald Dahl books.